M3:D69 Lonely

As I walked the word that kept coming up was lonely.   Now obviously when you become introverted it can be very lonely, but that isn't the real reason the word lonely came to mind.  I realized that as a Shredder, life can be very lonely.  People don't understand why you are doing what you are doing.  They don't get your dedication to a physique transformation.  As a result it can be a very lonely life.  When everyone else is eating pizza and you are eating your chicken breast and vegetables it can feel lonely.  You are alone in your battle.  Despite support from family and friends, the loneliness is bound to set in.

For me the past month has been extremely lonely.  Various scenarios have played over in my mind.  Decisions were debated constantly.  My plan was pushed to the limit and somehow I managed to figure out how to handle it.  At the same time, I felt very alone.  I'm not the guy who tries to win the attention of other people.  I am the guy who believes you take me or leave me as I am.  As a result, life itself can be quite lonely.  I am often alone in my thoughts and opinions.  I have gotten used to it after 43 years, but there are still some things that go on that I don't understand.

I was talking to someone today about how people can go from being close to distant almost overnight.  While my own belief is that the change happens gradually, a person can just suddenly decide they don't want to talk to you anymore.  What was once a close relationship suddenly becomes a battleground.  Where there was once harmony there is discontent.  One person thinks they are being clear with their wants and needs, but the reality is that they haven't communicated anything to the other person.  That can lead to more conflict and strife.  It is a vicious cycle and it is something I just don't understand and something I hope I'm never a party to.  Thank God I have not been through something like that yet.